Sometimes I’m able to step back and get a view of the larger perspective of my life. Today is one of those days. (Yay!)
In my life, things have had a way of falling into place. Not in the Hollywood way, where I meet the perfect guy and he says the perfect thing and we ride off into the sunset together (obviously), but in a ‘you’re going to be okay’, ‘everything happens for a reason’ kind of way. Some notable examples…
I got pregnant when I was 18, but I was incredibly lucky to have a great baby, support from both families and a ‘baby daddy’ who wanted to make a go of it. Things ultimately didn’t work out between us, but thanks to us staying together for 4 years and our families’ support, we were both able to get our university degrees.
Soon after, I was lucky to get a job in an industry that allowed me to gradually work my way up in a career that paid enough so that I could provide for me and my son, and eventually even start putting some money into savings. As my son started to get ready for his own post-secondary adventure, I figured out what I really wanted to do with my life and, thanks to the money I’d been making all those years doing a well-paying job I didn’t love, I was able to go back to school too.
One month before finishing my program, I was let go from my job (where I’d been for almost 10 years). Although it felt horrible at the time, I was lucky enough to get a job in my new field within 2 months of being let go, which left the bulk of my severance pay to subsidize my new (sorely underpaid) career.
Tonight I went out for a 10k run, and while I was running I thought about how two years ago I didn’t think I could ever be a runner. It was because of narc that I started running. I figured if an out-of-shape, flabby-bellied alcoholic could run 5k, then I could too. Once I started running, it turned out I was actually pretty good at it. In fact, I’m now training for a half marathon, and frankly running has turned out to be a huge blessing – the only really successful coping mechanism I’ve had through all the depression over the last two years.
Life weirdly has given me what I needed when I needed it. Yeah, I let a bad guy into it for a few years, but who knows what greatness he was the stepping stone to. Maybe I had to go through all this crap to end up in a really great place. (My girlfriend actually thinks I’m going to end up with a runner someday – how cool would that be!)
The truth is, this is the first time in my life I’ve felt like I’m not afraid to feel my feelings, and I’m kind of enjoying being alone, doing my own thing. I’m learning so much about myself, and I like feeling like I’m in charge of my life in a really calm, drama-free way.
If I really look at it, my life is actually pretty good, and it’s become this way by going through difficult times that actually ended up getting me to really good places.
So, Life, it turns out you’ve actually got a pretty good track record. I choose to trust you, and I can’t wait to see where that last lumpy, broken stepping stone ends up taking me.