That’s Not Giddiness, It’s Fear

This morning I woke up to a message from narc’s female friend, who I haven’t been in contact with since February, asking if I’d like to get together for dinner or drinks.

When I saw her name pop up, my heart started racing, my body starting shaking, and I felt dizzy and panicked. It’s the same feeling I used to have every time I heard from narc after a period of separation.

At the time, I had thought that what I was feeling was excitement. I thought I was giddy and nervous to hear from him because I was so in love with him. And even though I had been in love before and knew what that head over heels, butterflies in the stomach feeling feels like, I convinced myself this was a different more passionate love and that was why I was shaking so hard that it was a struggle to even type a reply.

Now that I’m on the other side of things where I have a much clearer perspective, it’s obvious to me that this whole-body hyperarousal is and was my fight or flight response.  Every subconscious part of me was screaming out that I was in danger, and my body was activating every part of itself trying to pull me away to safety.

This reaction literally only ever happens in situations related to him, and now here it is again when I hear from his friend.

Our bodies are quite amazing, complex systems designed to survive. If we can learn to trust our guts then I believe our intuition can do an impressively reliable job of steering us clear of danger.

So, if you are still involved with your narc and you get this same physical response, or if you’re dating and your body is responding with shakes and anxiety instead of butterflies and heart expansion, please recognize that this is a sign to you that you are not safe. Heed the warning! Fight the urge to romanticize it or rationalize it, and walk away.

After all, your gut has only one agenda and that is to protect you. It has no ulterior motives, ever, and it deserves your trust more than any other human being ever will.

it's not love if you're afraid


Read more about trauma and the fight or flight response:


7 responses to “That’s Not Giddiness, It’s Fear

  1. What a very informative post and I’m sorry this happened to you. I hope you’re doing better and able to get help as needed

    • Thanks Meredith. I’m 8 months out and doing great. 🙂

      • That’s very good to hear. I’m 8 months out as well but I still have wicked anxiety. I am getting help but I jump at every little thing. It’s terrible

        • I’m so sorry to hear that. The anxiety and jumpiness is just awful. I think I’m just very lucky that I never lived with mine and we don’t have kids together. How long were you with yours? Have you tried meditation or yoga?

          • He was my own dad and he wasn’t around much when I was young. When my parents divorced, he started abusing me in every way until I spoke up when I was 21 and moved in with my mom. However, I worked for him so I still saw him daily. The abuse didn’t stop until this past February when I got a restraining order against him after he threatened to kill me and my mom…it’s been a long tiring road and the order is up in a few weeks which raises my anxiety more. It’s been hard and I’ve tried meditation but get distracted and jumpy. I tried yoga but I’m not very flexible so the poses cause me great pain. I do write, paint, read, and I’m throwing myself into my schoolwork as a law major to keep myself busy 🙂

            • Oh my gosh, wow, I’m so sorry for everything you’ve been through. I would be super anxious about the restraining order too. I hope your supports are helping you prepare for that and get a plan in place?
              And congrats on your law studies … I hope you’re going to become a superstar legal advocate and put assholes in their place, whatever type of law you end up in!

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