7 Months

Today is exactly 7 months since my breakup. Yay me! I was cleaning out some old emails and came across my last exchange with narc a few weeks after our breakup. I’d found a Narc abuse Facebook page that confirmed for me once and for all that he was a narc, and I finally understood that my only chance at survival was to go No Contact. At the time it felt like I was jumping off a cliff into a great abyss, but looking back I know that was the day I decided I was worth more, and my life was worth saving. Thought I’d put up this last exchange for kicks.

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February 19, 2014

Him (11:24am): I don’t know whats happened between last time we spoke and now that has made you go dark.  Why do we have to repeat the same cycle over and over.  I’m just confused.  I am trying not to be angry but its just this crazy back and forth stuff I don’t get.  Like you love me then you hate me  you want me then you don’t    Whats happening?   Are you dating and don’t want me to get mad and call you a liar for saying it would be a long time before you started?

The last time we were separate you gave me some story about taking months and months to be able to deal with it,.   stuff like that makes me think we are obviously supposed to be together if there is that must attachment.  but then when you seem to so readily end everything it makes that seem all like bullshit.  I just don’t get it.    You tell me you hate it when I say “your crazy” and yes name calling is bad.  I just can’t wrap my head around the rationale of what is going on

 

Me (12:45pm): Hi. Sorry for not giving an explanation, I’ve been trying to sort things out in my head to make sure of what I’m thinking before I say anything. So here it is.

I’m sick to death of the stupid rollercoaster I/we’ve been on for the last 4 years. I’ve been doing a lot of reading about NPD and everything I’ve read matches your behaviour to a T. I still see it happening since the breakup and I hate it. I don’t believe it will ever be possible for us to have a functional friendship. I had thought maybe limited contact would be ok but everything I’ve read says the only option is no contact and because I don’t see any hope of things changing in any significant way, I believe that’s true.

I don’t expect you to understand or agree with it or not be angry about it, it’s just what I feel I have to do. I suppose you’ll decide if you want to pepper me with insults or tell me all the ways I’m wrong. I’m hoping you’ll just accept it and let this be the end, but if you do then you would be the first person ever with NPD to do that, so I don’t have high hopes for that.

Anyway, I know you have lots of people in your life to talk with etc, and I know you will find someone new soon enough, you will be as fine without me in your life as you ever were with me. I hope (your son) will be ok too.

I still have no intention to start dating. I just very much looking forward to having peace and stability in my life for a while. I’ve never had to cut off an ex before like this, but I’ve never known anyone before who behaves the way you do. So much drama. I’m just so done. I won’t be responding to any future communications.

Bye J.

 

Him (1:01pm): No insults.    However I would like that bracelet back.  It was a mistake to give it to you.  I will feel used if you were to keep it.

Him (1:26pm): oh god I don’t know  maybe its dickish of me to ask for the bracelet back.  I don’t know   ok maybe I am NPD or whatever  I m sorry I can’t help it  I just have this overwhelming feeling I’m being taken advantage of. I have to protect myself  thats what that’s all about.   I feel bad that you seem to have spent so much time reading about what I am all about.  this should be time for you to focus on yourself.   anyways I don’t know  I just feel used.   Just do what you think is right

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Bracelet and I are celebrating 8 happy months together. 😀