Monthly Archives: August 2014

7 Months

Today is exactly 7 months since my breakup. Yay me! I was cleaning out some old emails and came across my last exchange with narc a few weeks after our breakup. I’d found a Narc abuse Facebook page that confirmed for me once and for all that he was a narc, and I finally understood that my only chance at survival was to go No Contact. At the time it felt like I was jumping off a cliff into a great abyss, but looking back I know that was the day I decided I was worth more, and my life was worth saving. Thought I’d put up this last exchange for kicks.


February 19, 2014

Him (11:24am): I don’t know whats happened between last time we spoke and now that has made you go dark.  Why do we have to repeat the same cycle over and over.  I’m just confused.  I am trying not to be angry but its just this crazy back and forth stuff I don’t get.  Like you love me then you hate me  you want me then you don’t    Whats happening?   Are you dating and don’t want me to get mad and call you a liar for saying it would be a long time before you started?

The last time we were separate you gave me some story about taking months and months to be able to deal with it,.   stuff like that makes me think we are obviously supposed to be together if there is that must attachment.  but then when you seem to so readily end everything it makes that seem all like bullshit.  I just don’t get it.    You tell me you hate it when I say “your crazy” and yes name calling is bad.  I just can’t wrap my head around the rationale of what is going on

Me (12:45pm): Hi. Sorry for not giving an explanation, I’ve been trying to sort things out in my head to make sure of what I’m thinking before I say anything. So here it is.

I’m sick to death of the stupid rollercoaster I/we’ve been on for the last 4 years. I’ve been doing a lot of reading about NPD and everything I’ve read matches your behaviour to a T. I still see it happening since the breakup and I hate it. I don’t believe it will ever be possible for us to have a functional friendship. I had thought maybe limited contact would be ok but everything I’ve read says the only option is no contact and because I don’t see any hope of things changing in any significant way, I believe that’s true.
I don’t expect you to understand or agree with it or not be angry about it, it’s just what I feel I have to do. I suppose you’ll decide if you want to pepper me with insults or tell me all the ways I’m wrong. I’m hoping you’ll just accept it and let this be the end, but if you do then you would be the first person ever with NPD to do that, so I don’t have high hopes for that.
Anyway, I know you have lots of people in your life to talk with etc, and I know you will find someone new soon enough, you will be as fine without me in your life as you ever were with me. I hope (your son) will be ok too.

I still have no intention to start dating. I just very much looking forward to having peace and stability in my life for a while. I’ve never had to cut off an ex before like this, but I’ve never known anyone before who behaves the way you do. So much drama. I’m just so done. I won’t be responding to any future communications.

Bye J.
Him (1:01pm): No insults.    However I would like that bracelet back.  It was a mistake to give it to you.  I will feel used if you were to keep it.

Him (1:26pm): oh god I don’t know  maybe its dickish of me to ask for the bracelet back.  I don’t know   ok maybe I am NPD or whatever  I m sorry I can’t help it  I just have this overwhelming feeling I’m being taken advantage of. I have to protect myself  thats what that’s all about.   I feel bad that you seem to have spent so much time reading about what I am all about.  this should be time for you to focus on yourself.   anyways I don’t know  I just feel used.   Just do what you think is right


Bracelet and I are celebrating 8 happy months together. 😀

tiffany bracelet




Fish Hooks

Narc has always had impeccable timing. Somehow, he is always able to sense when my life is going well and when I’m releasing him, and that’s when he inevitably comes out of the woodwork again to try to hook me.

This past weekend I went away to my cottage. As I settled in on Friday night, I was feeling free-spirited, peaceful, beautiful, happy. I made mango martinis, cranked the tunes, and had a one-woman dance party in my living room.

In the morning, I woke to find a text from him: “Sorry. I don’t know how that happened.”

First of all, I couldn’t figure out how a text had gotten through my text blocker. Later I realized when I’d had my phone replaced a few weeks ago, I set up the blocker wrong. However, that actually turned out to be a blessing because this one text that slipped through alerted to me to the presence of one of his most favourite fish hooks: the ‘accidental’ pocket dial.

The first pocket dial I ever got from narc was about 8 months into knowing him. He ‘accidentally’ pocket dialed my work number, and left me a long message of him and his ‘friend’ (but actually girlfriend) planning a trip to Cuba. I was devastated.

Over the next few years, I received many pocket dials. They almost exclusively happened during periods when I’d cut off contact. They usually happened on Friday or Saturday nights so that I could ‘accidentally’ hear what a great time he was having without me. 

This time, it happened on a Friday night to my home number, which he almost NEVER called even when we were dating. (I can’t believe I was ever gullible enough to believe these calls were accidental. Narcs really are so good at spinning stories that leave us disoriented and confused. I can see everything so clearly now.)

I immediately dialed into my home voicemail and, for the first time ever, I didn’t listen to the message. He would NOT get his hooks me in this time. I would not ALLOW him to ruin my beautiful weekend. Once my voicemail was cleared, I went back into my text blocker, fixed the settings, deleted him once again, and breathed a sigh of relief.

This week it will be 7 months since the breakup and I AM HAPPY. I still think about him/us/our trainwreck of a relationship, and I still cry sometimes, but that’s part of the healing. I love myself now, I love who I’m becoming, and I love my life. He can ‘accidentally’ call my voicemail as much as he wants, I’m done with him. His hooks are dull and his bait is rotten. No contact for the win!