Life and Death

For the last couple of months, I have been worried about narc’s teenage son who was constantly tweeting about his extensive drug use and suicidal thoughts. A couple of weeks ago, he tweeted about being taken to the hospital by police. Later, a picture of him in a neck brace appeared – the result of him having jumped in front of a bus. Then he tweeted about taking a bath with a toaster – he survived but the toaster didn’t. On Friday, he tweeted wondering if it was rude to kill himself at a friend’s house. And then he went silent.

Narc-son and I have never had a relationship. For the first three years I was advocating for him with his dad, having never met the kid but knowing he was in desperate need of love and support. Since last summer, we met three times in total and ended up following each other on Twitter. A couple of months later I broke up with his dad and started no contact. So, I have been watching from afar and worrying about him mostly because I know nobody else is. Maybe that sounds creepy, but it’s well-intentioned. I guess I just hoped I’d eventually get to see that he turned out ok after all.

Today I got a phone message from his dad (8 weeks no contact) telling me his son is on life support – he took a bottle of pills the hospital gave him after his last suicide attempt. Narc won’t even go see his son in the hospital because he doesn’t want to see him ‘like that’. He wishes he could talk to me.

I went into a tailspin.

I’ve been doing pretty well lately recovering from him and every instinct is telling me I can NEVER make contact with him again, no matter what. But I HATE him for making me be this person who can’t provide support at a difficult time. HE MADE ME THIS WAY. I have no choice – it’s my survival or his.

I want to be there for his son because every child deserves to be loved by someone, to be worried about and cared for, but that’s not my job and he would just think it’s weird if it was coming from me. I hope that somebody is stepping into that role for him, but I suspect not or he wouldn’t be onto his third? fourth? fifth? suicide attempt. My heart breaks for this child.

As for his dad, I went from feeling sad that I couldn’t support him to utter RAGE at the evil he brings into this world. He is a useless father, the most selfish person I have ever had the misfortune of knowing, and a toxic manipulator who cares about nobody – NOBODY – other than himself. I despise him with every core of my being for everything he has done to me, and everything he has done and continues to do to his son.

I talked to a counsellor friend minutes after hearing his message, and told her I was feeling sick… – she completed my sentence with: “…that he would use this to try to get to you?” I hadn’t even thought of that, but she’s right. Narcissistic sociopaths use everyone and everything around them to get their supply. He knows I am highly compassionate and have always worried about his son. Of course, this is right out of the narc playbook.

I would love to be there to support him and his son but I’ve learned that all I can do when it comes to narc is save myself. We are all responsible for ourselves and with narcissistic sociopaths there’s no messing around – it’s life or death, plain and simple. No contact, no matter what.

I will try to look at today’s phone call as a gift – at least now I don’t have to google local obituaries looking for his son’s name, at least I know he’s still alive (for now). At least I can feel grateful for that little bit of peace of mind.

 

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5 responses to “Life and Death

  1. Wow! How tragic for that young man- who it sounds like was starving for attention/love & acceptance by his father. Even if he lives, we will never get those 3 things! Your in a difficult situation right now- but if you do break the bond of no contact, you start at square one again. And your Narc reached out to you so he can see how he should be acting & dealing with this tragedy! You know- the mimicking they do! Hugs to you today!!!

    • I hadn’t even thought of the mimicking aspect. Wow, you’re so right. I’ve listened to his message 3 times, he has such flat affect and doesn’t even really seem to know what to say. He even starts his message with “I don’t know what to do.” Go sit by your kid’s bedside you asshole, it’s not rocket science!! Thank you for the insight, Tela. Super helpful (as usual).

      • I know it’s a battle inside you right now! But only you have the control wether you want to break the barrier down and start over with the douche bag, or just offer up prayers from a distance for his son. Sending blessings your way !

  2. sending my thoughts to you…stay strong.

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