This weekend was h-a-r-d. On Saturday, I found myself crying most of the day, mourning the death of my naive belief that people in the world can be trusted to be fundamentally good people.
On Sunday, I went grocery shopping to a store I rarely visit, and was struck with flashbacks to a day I had gone there with my ex. Those were the early days when I knew something didn’t feel quite right, but I still really hoped that if I was patient and accommodating enough he would grow to trust me enough to let me in. Little did I know there would be no end to the hoops he’d want me to jump through and there was nothing to let me in to. There was no reason to hope.
Now, it has been 3 weeks of no contact, and 6 weeks since the breakup. Last night I got a text from him: “I haven’t drank since last Wednesday. It’s been hard. I’m not telling ppl cuz I’d have to admit I was drinking too much. I know you aren’t going to respond and I don’t expect you to. I just thought you would want to know.”
I literally became nauseous. I felt so angry and hurt. This man ALWAYS becomes ‘a better man’ when he’s away from me. It’s SO unfair.
In the earlier days, I would’ve messaged him words of encouragement and pride – that’s great, I’m glad you’re making a positive change in your life. That would’ve been his foot in the door.
In later days, I would’ve messaged him words of anger and resentment – oh that’s nice that you finally decided to make a change, how lucky for the next girl. That would’ve been his foot in the door. He doesn’t really care which foot gets in, as long as he can push his way in somehow.
So this time I decided not to give him a foot in the door. Yes, I’m angry and I’m hurt, but I’m also a lot smarter. This guy is a liar and a manipulator, who’s to say he actually even quit drinking? I suspect there’s more to the story – there always is. ‘Well, I quit drinking wine but I still drink vodka sometimes‘, or ‘I quit drinking when I’m home alone, but I still drink when I go out with people because (blah blah)‘. Or perhaps it’s all mirroring for the new victim – maybe her ex was an alcoholic, so he’s going to be pretend to be this great guy who’s got it all together. Yeah right, we’ll see how long that lasts.
This man cannot be trusted. Same old story. Whatever he thinks will hook me, he’ll do it. Of course he’s going to pretend he suddenly now can offer the things that mattered most to me (that he denied me when we were actually in a relationship). I’m sure the drinking is just one of the many weapons in his arsenal. I just have to keep remembering these are all lies and manipulations.
Thank goodness I found online support that taught me No Contact is the only way to go. This guy is the same old dog with the same old tricks. But this time, finally, I’ve got a new trick and he can go fuck himself. No contact baby. Never again.